I am stressing the fuck out right now, I fucking tried so hard last term to boost my average up and now I am going to fuck it up once again. I am defiantly going to fail my fucking stats class. I just want to fucking pass with a 50! Not even a fucking B or anything just a fucking 50 so i don't have to take this course a third fucking time. I am wasting so much money on this class its unreal. My confidence level for school right now is so low, I don't feel as if I am smart enough to complete my degree. I am already a fucking year behind, and if this shit continues my brother Stephen will graduate before me. I just want to get my degree to say I have done something with my life and then head to college to grab some certificates or some next graduate degree, that's the plan, but at this rate nothing is in reach or seems realistic. My cousin says it doesn't matter how long it takes you to complete the degree as long as you get it, nobody asks how long it took you to get the degree once you have a job. I agree, but when all of my friends are graduating next year (99%), and succeeding and what not I just cant help but feel like shit and that I am behind. Today is my last shift for work so that I have a lot more time to study and dont need to stress about rui being an asshole. But when it comes to the girlfriend its as if i have no self control when it comes to not talking to her, I have to get my head on straight. Not talking to her for one day wont kill me, I don't have to worry about her cheating because i know she isn't that kind of person, I have to trust her and I do. Its just really hard, I never cared about someone so much and put so much effort into a relationship. I guess I just don't want it to go to waste , more so its because I don't wanna get heart broken. I have an essay due Friday worth 20%, an exam worth 42% next week Wednesday and a presentation worth 20% on Friday and another assignment worth 20% the week after. And then nothing for about 2 weeks. I just have to get through the next 2 weeks, My life literally depends on it. No more blogging for 2 weeks, its eatting up too much time right now and I cant afford to waste any of it(promise to myself).

Words of advice and encouragement to myself:
- get your shit together
- study your ass off for the stats exam, its worth it
- keep trying in school, only 2 years left to go
- always try to make her happy, but don't forget about yourself.
- Stop worrying about being heart broken, its a part of life, be happy it happened, if you keep worrying about being hurt, you will never be able to give it your all in the relationship
- Realize you cannot give her all she wants, but never stop trying
- study study study study study study
- you can do it
- get your priorities straight
- get back on the workout routine
- you done good, keep it up, let them keep talking shit, it doesnt matter how they look or think about you.